top of page

Is the Shade Okay?

How can the community/society/loved ones support new parents and remove the shame of asking for help?

As a parent of children with special needs and a newborn, it is difficult for me to ask for help because of fear of being judged or shaded in a way. It's so important to have a support system, and I wish I had one; however, I don't have much now, and I know many moms go

through this. To be honest, sometimes, asking for help can be scary because I don't want unnecessary comments made. I also don't want to allow my kids to be around people not really for them, so I bite the bullet, put on my mom's cape, and keep pushing. I try to take care of my health and wellness to be ok for them, like going to the gym or therapy. You can help a new mom in these ways, and trust me, we need help but not the shade. The people who bring shade allow us to know who to create boundaries with. Sometimes, rejection is God's protection, so moms pay attention to the shade because that might indicate that this person, even family, is not part of your support system. I use it for my good and my kid's good. 

  • When we prioritize compassion and humility, we can then notice others and see that they may have a need.

  • Even if you're unsure what to do when you see a new mom, it can be as simple as asking her questions about her needs and how to help her.

  • Food is always good! This can be cooked food, ordering DoorDash, purchasing groceries, or signing her up for meal delivery. 

  • Your opinion isn't always necessary. Most of the time, we are tired and feel bad about ourselves. That mother you so quickly judge can be experiencing baby blues, and too many opinions, even good ones, can be overwhelming.

  • If you say that you will do something, please do it; we are counting on it, and if you can't, please let us know beforehand.

  • Do not judge our bodies; please make no reference to our body parts, weight, or anything like that unless it is a compliment.

  • Holding the baby while we get to sleep is a big deal!!!

  • Please be consistent and patient with us. Girls' night outings are a must. It's good for our mental health.

16 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All


bottom of page