I did not grow up in a religious household, however I can remember my mother being a God fearing woman. I vividly recall she would be praying to God on her knees for what seemed to me like the longest time ever. In my 10 year old head I'd be wondering, what did she and God have to talk about that was so important and that took so long to discuss?
She’d often invite me to pray with her. I’d kneel, say a quick prayer, peek up and see her still praying and tilt my head back down...and think...okay God what else could a 10 year old pray about.
Seeing my mother pray and going to church on Easter was the extent of my religious experience growing up. At first glance, you’d think it was pretty minute and ask how could such a little introduction to God have such a profound impact on my spiritual life today.
Well it did! Seeing the posture of my mother praying on her knees represented three types of prayers that I imagine she prayed.
● The Ask
● The Sinner
● The Provider aka Jehovah Jireh
The Ask. Bent over on her knees, her head tilted, eyes closed, her heart open and in deep silence. I knew she had to be asking God to do something important. I thought...what exactly was she asking Him to do, what was it that she was praying and believing God for. I’ll never know exactly what my mother was asking God for, but being a mother myself I think she was praying for me and it went like this....
Lord,
Thank you for my daughter, it’s an honor and privilege you have given me to mother her. I ask that you save her, deliver her from the plans of the enemy, and let her not be distracted by the shiny objects of this world. Lord give her your heart so that she may love herself and others, I ask that you be her provider and way maker in the dessert. Help her to remember her authority in the kingdom and establish your plans in her life. I ask that you open her mind to be guided by your Holy Spirit and that your blood would cover and protect her.
The Sinner. My mother was by no means a perfect mom. In fact, due to her drug addiction from the start of my life she was unable to raise me and gave my grandmother full custody of me when I was two years old. She battled with drugs my whole life. Every time she relapsed I could tell how deeply sorry she felt. The shame and disappointment she carried I’m sure was overwhelming and unbearable at times. I just know she had to be talking to God about this...maybe this is what she prayed..
Lord,
I know that I am a sinner and that I have sinned against you. I am truly sorry for my sins and I ask for your forgiveness. Lord help me to withstand the temptation of the enemy and to turn to you for deliverance. I ask you to come into my life and be my Lord and Savior. I surrender my life to you and I ask you to help me to live.
The Provider aka Jehovah Jireh. Seeing her pray for so long she must have believed in the power of prayer and that God would provide a response. I can’t fathom that she would position herself for fervent prayer without the belief that God could and would provide. I truly think that the burden of her needs brought her to her scarred knees, but it was her faith that positioned her to humbly lean into the presence of God. If I had to guess, I’d say her prayer went something like this...
Lord,
I come to you today as a person with an addiction. I know that I am not alone in this struggle, and I ask for your help in overcoming it. I pray that you will give me the strength to resist temptation and the courage to seek help when I need it. I also pray for your guidance as I work to rebuild my life and find a new sense of purpose. I know that I am not perfect, but I am trying my best to live a good life.
Amen.
I will never know exactly what my mother prayed for because she passed at the young age of 42 from Cirrhosis of the liver. Though her life was short lived, bombarded with the use of drugs and alcohol, she still managed to exemplify to me what it means to have complete trust and faith in God no matter what.
And because of this, I know she definitely prayed for me.
With love,
KiaShanee
In loving memory of my mother, Sharon Marie Ginyard, 10/02/1962-10/08/2004.
